Category: Andrea Gets Personal

7 Myths of a Juice Cleanse

Fotor0918125926

 

Myth: They’re Kind of Expensive

Truth: They’re REALLY expensive

Three days cost me over $165. And I was told that was cheap! Do you know how many steaks I could eat with $165? More than my now shrunk-ified tummy could handle.

 

Myth: You’ll Have Diarrhea

Truth: It’s Much Worse

It hurts to type this. Do you know what Sharting is? I now know what it is. I. am. so. very. ashamed.

 

Myth: Mmm, They Taste Good!

Truth: Have You Ever Tried Chlorophyll H2O?

Oh, you haven’t had the pleasure? Please, do look at the diagram below:

Fotor0918131315

 

Myth: The First Day is the Hardest

Truth: It’s an Even Tie!

Sure, the first day hurt the most as my stomach was shrinking itself.. and screaming while at it. I have to give the little guy some credit, he’s a howler! Then, everything starts to hurt: my brain for trying to think without carbs, my bladder for constantly being filled to the max, and my soul for being so weak compared to all these other LA girls who make starving look so easy.

 

Fotor0918132832Myth: You’re Skin Will Glow

Truth: Your Skin Will Glow… Around that Giant Zit in the Middle of your Face

The whole point of this social experiment is to purge your body of all the harmful toxins that have accumulated over the years. Since your skin is your body’s largest organ, the toxins purge not just through your bladder, but also through your skin, causing you to look gorgeous break out. You do end up having beautiful skin and very white eyes, but there are a few “bumps” in the road.

Translation: It’s like having a facial, except you don’t get any of the gooey moisturizer, heated-to-perfection towels, extra neck message or relaxing East Asian music that you get at a spa. I could eat that gooey moisturizer right now.

 

 

Myth: You’ll Be Happy You Did It

Truth: You Will Be the Skinniest Pregnant Person

Sure, I was skinny. But you know what else I was? I was pregnant- minus the fetus- and exhibiting symptoms of what normally would be caused by hormonal changes without the intellectual ability to actually articulate my anger/frustration/irritability. I went to the bathroom approximately every 20 minutes. And yes, that included 4 times during a movie while on a date. I don’t suggest going on dates during a cleanse.

 

Myth: “By day five, you’ll have more energy than you ever thought possible. You’ll crave broccoli instead of bread. Your clothes will fit more loosely. Your skin will glow.” — Lauren Conrad

Truth: Only if your name is Lauren Conrad.

Ahh, if only life were as easy as it seemed on The Hills. #LAGirlProblems

 

Who am I in the Game of Thrones??

Fotor051219351

 

I am a HUGE Game of Thrones fan. And not (just) because of the HBO show, but because of the books. I am a true nerd and I wear my literacy badge with pride. I’m currently 200 pages deep into the third installment, Storm of Swords, and for once I’m thankful I do not have an HBO subscription or else my imaginary fun in Westeros would be ruined by spoilers. Although, there would probably be a lot more nudity in my life…

So, consider my curiosity piqued when a “Game of Thrones Personality Quiz” was suggested for me somewhere on the interwebs. My favorite characters are the ones above, either for their gorgeously long locks and luscious lips or because of their wit, tenacity and overall bada**ness. I’m sure you can figure out which is which. But, deep down, I really want to be Daenerys (the girl in the blue cloak). She’s a princess, 13-years-old with a C cup and is a natural blonde… all the things I want to be in life. Well, minus the 13-years-old.

This was the persona I most identified with on the personality quiz:

2) Another hopeless romantic! You are loyal, tough and kind. You’ve branched out and are no longer running with your old crew, and you exist in a kind of ever-changing self-imposed exile (that old crew grew stale, going to the same restaurants and bars over and over), and you’ve learned the customs, and gained the respect, of a new host of friends (they’re into tapas!) You’re something of a catch (even if that special someone doesn’t seem to realize it). You don’t mind pets.

Hopeless romantic? Daenerys gave up her baby for her husband. New crew? The Khalasar. Pets? Hello! DRAGONS!!

So imagine my surprise when the test said I was THIS PERSON:

726739_GOT_HS_0803_EP03_DSC0487-e1364576081503

 

I’m a dude.

Not only am I not Daenerys… or a woman for that matter. I’m Ser Jorah Mormont; the dude who is pathetically friend zoned by a 13-year-old.

This is the first test I’ve ever failed.

5 Things I Learned from Mom

Fotor051220566

 

1. Be an eternal optimist.

As the Dalai Lama says, “Choose to be optimistic, it feels better.” Now, I’m not saying my mom is the Dalai Lama, but she did want to be a nun when she was younger (true fact!), so I think she knows what’s up by living with this motto.

2. Remember, you’re living someone else’s dream.

Just the other day I was feeling discouraged that I wasn’t further along in life. Really I called to get the good ol’, “I’m proud of you- blah blah blah” type of praise all of us children expect, but instead she said something very profound. She told me that while it’s great to want to be the next Ryan Seacrest or Cat Deeley (aka have goals), I need to remember that at this moment, with all my travels and incredible gigs, that somewhere out there I am living the life someone else is dreaming about. I feel like she should trademark that quote.

3. You’ve got good genes.

Breaking news! Women are first judged on their looks. Women judge other women on their looks. And in Hollywood, you can be hired or fired based on your looks. Do you see my mom? She’s over six decades old, never touched one thing on her face, and doesn’t have a wrinkle on her. Thank you Mom, because plastic surgery is expensive.

4. In wine, there is happiness.

When all else fails, my mom encourages me to drink a bottle of wine. Well, she really just says, “Why don’t you open up a bottle of wine and have a hot bath?” I usually take that as drinking the entire bottle and ordering in cupcakes, but, well, you get the gist. There is nothing better than parental approval for imbibing.

5. Experience > Money.

I feel so grateful to come from a Midwestern family with Midwestern values. That is, you bring people into your life based on who they are, not what they can get you. Growing up, there was no such thing as designer bags or sports cars. In our house, you worked hard, you did well, and you were rewarded with what you needed or wanted within reason. Instead of giving us things, though, my mom gave us opportunities to follow our passions, whether that was athletics, traveling or pursuing higher education at a very expensive private university. This built more self-esteem than anything you can buy in a store, and I’m eternally grateful for this life lesson.

Happy Mother’s Day!

How The 4 Hour Work Week Will Change Your Personal Life

Fotor0528110620

 

Today, my best friend’s dad passed away unexpectedly. By today, I mean a half an hour ago. I’ve been sitting, staring at my computer, trying to figure out what to do and how to help. The truth is… there is nothing to do but to make sure my phone is next to me at all times and just wait for her call. Helpless. The feeling that I hate the most. I’m crushed.

So where does a self-help book about outsourcing and productivity fit into this story? Well, big moments make you re-evaluate life, especially ones like these. Life is too short. Be Happy. Say I Love You more. We’ve all heard the cliches, but this book is different. The 4 Hour Work Week by Tim Ferriss is all about re-evaluating your life, goals and pursuits on a daily level. It is about changing the way you view life so that you can live in the moment.

The common ideology is, “I’ll work hard now so that I can make a lot of money and retire on an island when I’m 65.” The 4 Hour Work Week questions this. Why do you want to make money? The answer is so that you can have the freedom – i.e. money and time- to do the things you want to do NOW. But instead of waiting for your life to end to start living, the book says, work hard enough to get to that goal, and enjoy a “mini-retirement” right away.

My friend’s dad was super healthy and barely into his 50’s, maybe even late 40’s. Young. Too young to retire. Too young to even see his eldest daughter married. We can try to plan. But you don’t plan for this. I wonder if he has regrets. Had regrets. I hope he’s somewhere to think like this…

We don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but we do know one day there will be no tomorrow. So we might as well live in the present. If you’re like me, your reaction to a statement like this is, “Great, ya, sure, whatever that means.” <Brush-off-and-continue-the-daily-grind> What I found especially helpful about the book is that The 4 Hour Work Week makes the theoretical into a tangible game plan. It gives you tools that you can use, like how to budget your bank account, how to increase productivity, how to outsource, how to afford the seemingly “unaffordable,” and the list goes on.

I was going to take a month vacation this year, or a “mini-retirement” as Tim Ferriss would say. And then I decided that I did not have the time or the money to do this. Or rather, that I didn’t “deserve” to be living the good life when I have so much to accomplish in my career and finances. That’s changed today. I can make sacrifices to afford this trip, because the other sacrifice, the sacrifice of my dreams and wants, is in the end much more costly. If we can’t enjoy life now, what the hell are we living for?