Tag: advice

The new movie Jersey Boys comes out this weekend. In a name-dropping nutshell, it’s Clint Eastwood’s film adaptation of the Tony Award-winning Broadway musical that is based on the life story of the 1960’s mega boy band the Four Seasons. Even if you’ve never heard of the Four Seasons or its lead singer, Frankie Valli, you have definitely heard the music: “Big Girls Don’t Cry”, “Walk Like A Man”, and, of course, “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You”.

The story isn’t exactly new, especially if you’ve already seen the musical. It’s the kind of musical drama biography that makes all us non-famous folk so happy (for a minute) to not have fame, millions in the bank, and the millions of personal problems that seem to come with that package.

But there are some interesting life lessons that can be taken away from the film, especially considering Frankie Valli is still alive and well, and served as the movie’s executive producer alongside writing partner and band member Bob Gaudio.

1. Hard Work > Talent

The major theme of the first quarter of the film is that, sure, Frankie Valli has something unique in that falsetto of his, but he must, must, must work at it. His friends risk life and limb – literally, they are in mob country – for little Frankie to work on his vocal lessons and perform on stage. Even when the band gets a record deal, albeit singing back up, it is up to them to create their own hits.

Many critics of our millennial ADD generation say that we aren’t willing to put in the hard work, that we expect things to fall in our lap simply because our parents told us we were special as kids.

And while I always scoffed at that notion, if this film has any truth on what the older generation of wannabe-entertainers went through, it seems they are right. You must work relentlessly at your craft and create your own luck; only then will your talent be recognized.

2. Happy Mistakes

SPOILER ALERT: The Four Seasons break up. Well, technically, one member quits and one member is kicked out. This left lead singer Frankie Valli and songwriting member Bob Gaudio left… with A LOT of debt. We’re talking a nearly one million dollar debt in 1970. Adjusting for inflation, this means he was in six million over his head. Ouch.

Instead of calling it quits, the duo of Valli and Gaudio put their heads down and started to get to work on the big vision: a full band behind Valli. That vision was eventually realized with the revolutionary hit single, and now classic, “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You”.

A few years ago, when faced with a setback, a friend of mine told me to look at it as a “happy mistake”. He was right. We scrambled to put together a Plan B, which ended up being ten times better than Plan A.

Sometimes things don’t fall into place so that you can regroup and improve on the initial vision. It’s a great motto to have in your head when a challenge comes your way.

3. Pick The Fight Before It Turns Into One

Confrontation is a deeply unsettling aspect of human culture. How we deal with it – or don’t – can have major ripple effects on our life trajectory.

In Jersey Boys, Nick Massi leaves the group due to his inability to resolve conflicts. For 10 years, he bunked with a disrespectful band member and 10 years of that resentment came out in one discussion. He had enough. He resolved the conflict on his own by quitting, instead of resolving it with diplomacy, which was what the other band members wanted.

How many times have we avoided telling someone that their small action annoyed us, and then eventually it snowballed into an argument involving “everything but the kitchen sink”? Small issues can be resolved when they’re small. It’s harder when there’s days, weeks, months, or in this case, years of emotional baggage attached to them.

4. Life is About The Journey- And Usually the Beginning’s The Most Fun

In the film’s conclusion, the original members are asked the best part of being in a legendary musical group. Lead singer Frankie Valli experienced the full scope of this rockstar lifestyle. Think of him as the Justin Timberlake of the group, but with a lot more drama and failed relationships. But what he said was very interesting.

“The best memory was singing on the street corner, when it was all ahead of us.”

This is not a direct quote, but the gist of what my brain remembers from the screening.

The quote struck me. And still does as I write this. As someone who is very much in the middle of my journey, and feeling the pains and struggles of trying to achieve something bigger than where I come from, I have always hoped that success would be the best part.

That’s not what Valli says. The best part is the beginning. It’s the moment we take action and realize the dream can be a reality. It’s the moment when we realize we’re on the right path.

While I hope that my version of success is a bit happier than Valli’s reality, it’s an interesting quote to keep in your back pocket when times get hard. From someone who’s been there, Valli concurs that you will indeed look back and laugh.

Jersey Boys comes out nationwide Friday June 20^th.

February 10, 2014

Dirty and Thirty

Here is my first post for the fun, informative, and fabulous Dirty and Thirty blog:

MUST WATCH FOR EVERY AGE: WHY 30 IS NOT THE NEW 20

WARNING: This video will scare the crap out of you. If you have an ounce of stress about feeling behind on the arbitrary “life” timeline, then grab a cocktail- and a diaper- and watch.

I woke up on my 28th birthday feeling like how I’ve dreaded waking up on my 30th. Panicked. And, WTF?! These wrinkles came out of NOWHERE! I was breaking up with my boyfriend, my checks were not steady and not covering the bills, and consequently, I felt my career was nowhere near my potential.

Thank god I’m over 21 because the tequila shot I just drank was delicious.

So I decided to change my approach to life and play to my strengths. I’m an excellent student. In order to gain wisdom and find new answers, I dove into self-help/psychology, the major I always wanted to have, if it wasn’t so damn impractical. My broadcast journalism major hasn’t turned out to be so practical either, but, I digress.

Which brought me to TED Talks. Specifically, this one by psychologist Meg Jay titled “Why 30 is NOT the new 20″.

gulp.

diaper change.

Watch the video, but I will summarize the main points below.

WHY DECISIONS IN YOUR 20′S REALLY, REALLY MATTER

She opens this talk by diving into every insecurity a single, underemployed, approaching 30 year-old may have about life… AND tells you all your fears are true! Oh, and she has stats to prove it.

– 80% of life’s defining moments happen by age 35.
– 50% of Americans are living, dating, or married to their future life partner by age 30. (I thought it would be more, score one for Team Single)
– Your brain caps its 2nd and last growth spurt in your 20′s to re-wire for adulthood. If you want to change anything about yourself, now is the time to do it.
– 20′s development for adulthood is equivalent to the first five years for children; your mind and body make fundamental changes that have long lasting effects.
– Female fertility PEAKS at 28. (Translation: F*ck. Literally. Start doing it… now!)

Good news- I just lost my appetite by being scared to death. That dress is going to fit good tonight!

My freaked out reaction, I think, is all part of her grand plan to light a fire under your butt. Or, to put it more eloquently, this was a perfect segueway for a well-timed Leonardo Bernstein quote.

“To achieve great things, two things are needed: a plan and not quite enough time.”

Oh, don’t worry, I know there’s not enough time now, because that biological clock just started ticking louder than a Skrillex set. And the fact she just said this brilliant quote:

“The new midlife crisis isn’t buying a red sports car. It’s realizing you can’t have the career you always wanted, or the child you wanted to have, or give your child a sibling.”

Yeah. Let that sit. It’s heavy.

WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT

First, sip your cocktail and compose yourself. There’s light at the end of the tunnel, and it’s not a white light, more like a disco light.

1. Forget About an Identity Crisis- Get Some Identity Capital
Do something that adds value to who you are or is an investment in who you want to become. No more dead end jobs, no more overanalyzing, just do it. Identity Capital begets Identity Capital; this is a ball you want to start rolling.

2. Get New Friends
Not only does this expand your way of thinking, but also expands your options. Your acquaintances, or “weak ties” as Meg puts it, will get that ball rolling. Half of new jobs aren’t posted, and a great way to find them is by taking advantage of your weak ties. This is also called networking (I know, I hate that word, too).

3. Start Picking Your Family Now
The best time to start working on your marriage is before you have one, says Meg. Be as intentional about your love life as you are with your career. Don’t try to make it work with whoever is choosing you at the moment. Figure out what you like, don’t like, and what you inevitably want by trial and error of dating. NOW.

GOOD NEWS

You have control. Yay! I mean, you always have control, but now you can feel like really you do.
AND
You know those evil stats at the beginning? Those can work in your favor. Because your 20′s are such an important developmental stage, you are malleable and small changes in habits and thinking can have a huge (positive) impact on the rest of your life.

So, according to Meg, 30 is not the new 20, regardless of how the socially acceptable timeline of career, marriage and kids has stretched. Take control of your life. Don’t be defined by what you didn’t know or do, because whether you like it or not, you’re deciding what you do now.

I found a lot of truth and inspiration in this TED talk. We know not to procrastinate on work, why procrastinate on our development? Although, I would love to know her sources for some of the (scary) stats.

What do you think?

November 17, 2013

E!’s Drama Queen- What Marki’s Really Like

Meet Marki Costello. She is the granddaughter of legendary comedian Lou Costello and a serious business woman. Marki has created an incredible niche in Hollywood as a well respected hosting coach and manager, founding CMEG . But most importantly, she is a character! That’s why E! is giving her her own show called Drama Queen that is airing tonight, Sunday November 17th, at 11pm.

A lot of hosts ask me- “So, what is Marki really like?”

As a student for nearly three years and a client for one, I have a lot of experience with Marki. This is the advice I give them, and am now giving you!

1. She’s Intimidating

Marki was most definitely a New York taxi cab driver in a former life. She tells it like it is, she likes to use four-letter words, has excellent use of her diaphragm, and sometimes she, uh, over shares. I mean, look at the promo for the show. I’ve never heard a woman declare herself a bitch in such a bad ass, and dare I say, aspirational? manner.

2. Fail Fast, Succeed Sooner

If you’re going into her class wanting someone to tell you how great you are and you should “definitely be hosting your own network prime time TV show by now,” then think again.

Marki’s class is a way to fail fast in order to succeed sooner. I take class so that I make my mistakes in a safe environment, and when I’m on an audition, or more importantly on set, I “don’t f*** up.” Yes, I’ve literally gotten that direction on set before. It was said in jest, but only kind of.

Marki will find something wrong with your performance no matter what. You may not agree with her, or you may not agree how she goes about critiquing you, but that’s why you’re in class: to get better.

Hint: This class works especially well for ex-East Coasters.

3. She’s Right

Just get over it. Don’t fight it. Don’t rebel against it. She is right. Maybe not 100% of the time for every situation, but there will definitely be a point in your career where that one critique that really got under your skin got you out of a jam on a job. She is the person networks go to when their talent is not performing well. If the networks want their talent trained by her- at $500 an hour!- then LISTEN when she critiques you in class. If you booked a job and didn’t do well, you’d have to listen to her anyway.

This brings me to my next point…

4. Go In With The Right Mindset

As a student for nearly 3 years, I see the people who resist the most are the people who go into class with the goal of being represented by her, not learning from her.

I was one of those people. And boy did I get served a big dose of humble pie. And I hate pie. I’m more of a cake person.

It’s a hosting class, not an audition.

The funny thing is the less time you spend trying to prove yourself and the more time you spend trying to better yourself will bring you closer to that end goal of being represented by Marki- if that’s your end goal. She respects hard work and consistency over talent. So many people pass through her door, but it’s the ones who stick around that get noticed.

That’s how I was asked to be represented by her. And yes, I’m still in class… now more than ever.

5. Results Don’t Lie

I moved to LA in March of 2011. I took the hosting boot camp 2 weeks after I arrived. I had no job lined up, except some savings and the goal that I would dedicate one year of my life to hosting. Meaning, instead of spending 40 hours a week working as a waitress, I would take those 40 hours and invest them in myself and my career.

Within six months I was shooting a pilot for MTV and by the year mark, I was a working host, which is a huge feat in Hollywood.

And this was before I was represented by her.

Now, this is obviously not only because of Marki’s class. I worked, and still work, my butt off. But I definitely saw an improvement in my performance and confidence. I perform best when I ‘m over prepared and it’s really hard to prepare for auditions, where every one is different. But taking class definitely helped in navigating the curve balls.

6. How She Represents You

People think that once you are represented by any agent or manager, it’s like a flip of a switch and automatically you’ll start booking.

Yeeeaaaah… that’s not how it works.

Marki is like any manager or agent, where they can get you through the door, but you have to keep that door open for yourself after you walk out. Translation: you have to earn the job.

With that said, Marki has gotten me into doors that I never thought possible. i.e. TESTING for a huge network show without an initial audition. For those new to the field, testing is the final round of auditions, usually in front of executives. I didn’t book the show, but I made a good impression, which is sometimes 95% of the battle.

She has also fought like hell for me on jobs where I was in the top 3. I’m talking hours and hours on the phone.

REMEMBER: Your manager or agent only make 10-20% of what you earn, so don’t expect them to do 80% of the work. Continue to take classes, build your social media empire, build any empire for that matter, self-submit, network, and perfect your craft.

Yes, that’s a Marki nugget of advice, one of many.

Everyone- enjoy the show Drama Queen. One thing I know for sure is that it will most definitely be a show!

And for the aspiring TV hosts out there, invest in yourself and you will succeed. Hollywood is a war of attrition. The longer you stay in it, the better your chances are of success.

xoxo, Andrea